Some
of you may think that I always focus on the positive. With this blog I want to
explore acceptance in all that is. You see in life, positives, negatives and
things we may see as neutral all exist. They all exist, they all have their purpose
and they all can teach us something about ourselves. Having an understanding of
how we cope with things, whatever those things are; is empowering. It is
empowering because we can realise our resilience to the negative. It is
empowering because we can connect with others through our vulnerabilities. It
is empowering because it can bring us to a greater understanding of ourselves. The
truth is I'm all about life, the good, the bad, the ugly, the neutral...nothing
is off limits. Its life we are talking about and it's a jungle out there...
We
as human beings come from all different backgrounds. We come as individuals
with a multitude of experiences that have shaped us into who we are, how we see
ourselves and how we relate to the world. Recognising all aspects of what has
shaped us, into who we are today, helps us to move beyond those things that
hold us back. Here I am making reference to the good, the bad, the ugly and the
neutral.
Day
to day, we have somewhere in the region of 60,000 to 100,000 thoughts a day.
Some are good, some are bad, some are ugly and some a neutral. If we latch on
to all of these, it is no wonder we feel churned up and stressed out. Remember its
life; unfortunately we are not in some rainbow filled land, with unicorns
grazing in the distance and cherubs playing harms on a cloud. However, personally
I like to dwell in that land for periods of time. We are on planet earth and it
can be tough down here. I know this because I'm a human, living a life and I've
had good, bad, ugly and neutral experiences. The range of experiences is much vaster
than those 4 categories but for the purposes of this blog, I'm using just the
4. Amazing, beautiful, disastrous, fucked-up, life-affirming, musical... (the
list goes on) experiences exist too. However, sometimes for the purposes of
simplicity and getting a point across, less is more.
As
we come with all these experiences that have shaped us into the glorious mess
that we are, wouldn't it be wise to embrace it all. I think it would. Wouldn't
it be a relief that you're okay, just as you are, RIGHT NOW! You don't have to
change, you don't have to right your wrongs, and you don't have to right
someone else's wrongs. You just have to accept yourself, fully as you are now
with all of the experiences that have helped to make you into who you are today.
By doing so, resistance tends to stop, stress tends to drop and life tends to
flow.
So, how are we going to
do this acceptance thing?
A
few weeks ago when I attended a Tibetan Buddhist Retreat in The Scottish
Borders I was asked a question. I was there to begin my MSc in Mindfulness
along with around 50 other students. The lecturer asked: "Why are you
here?" He then went on to say, "I want you get really clear on this.
Really clear because this is what's going to keep your practice up when you
leave." I didn't really think about my answer and as he had asked the
whole class, he only asked for a couple of responses. I didn't volunteer my
answer. My answer was: "I'm here to sort my shit out!" I hadn't
realised that was the reason I was there, until that point. Up until that point
I would've told anyone who asked that I was going there to further my career
and to help people with mindfulness. Those things were just as true but the
thing that came up first was; I was there to sort my own shit out. To me that
was amazing and it actually made me smile inside. I mean we all have shit, so
we may as well sort it out!
So you may ask; how do I
sort my shit out?
1) Accept it
I
am talking about the good, the bad, the ugly and the neutral. It's all there to
be accepted. We don't have to push it away, we don't have to get busy and avoid
it, and we don't have to change it. Basically it's not for changing, it's for
accepting. When we accept our lives as they are and ourselves as we are, we
move beyond the shit. I'm sorry if I'm offending anyone with my swearing. I'm
someone that finds swearing therapeutic, especially when I'm referring to
life's mess. Acceptance can come through journaling daily. Also using an
affirmation such as, "I accept all that has been, all that is and all that
is to come." I recommend saying affirmations 10 times in front of a mirror
until you believe yourself.
There's
a great book that I highly recommend called, "Fuck It: The Ultimate
Spiritual Way" by John C Parkin. It is a book that I hold close to my
heart because during and after reading it, a lot of my shit made a lot more
sense. It outlines everything about the technicalities of saying "fuck
it" and getting on with life in a less harassed and serious way. It
basically teaches us to be more care free in our approach, have more fun and
care less about the stress causing stuff.
Breathe in the good shit and breathe
out the bullshit. I
mean it; breathe in ALL the good shit. Focus on it, absorb it, feel it love it,
hold it, write about it. Write a gratitude list for example; 3 things you're
grateful for every day, for 21 days and your happiness levels will improve.
Gratitude lists can contain all kinds of things. Nice weather, a compliment, an
achievement, a purchase, an enjoyable meal, a pet, a child, a conversation,
anything that brings you joy and makes you feel positive, even if it’s a small
feeling. It helps to train your mind to focus on the good stuff. We tend to get
overloaded with negativity because the untrained mind tends to rest on that
stuff. Gratitude lists help by changing your focus. Try it, it works.
I also mean, breathe out the bullshit. Breathe it out, blow it away, don't
latch on to it, and let it flow away from you. By this, I don’t mean get busy
and ignore the negative, I mean deal with it, accept it and once you have done
that get on with your wonderful life. Throw the bullshit in the bin. Really,
imagine yourself, throwing the crap in the bin. Write it down and rip it up and
throw it away. It might come back again but when it does, time will have passed
and you’ll be further on than when it came up the last time, making you better equipped
at dealing with it. When shit happens, don’t get bogged down. Just think, “This
is life, this is what happens, and I can do this shit!!” YOU CAN, you rock!
2) Intention/motivation
This
little piece of magic is what helps to keep me going. “What is your intention?”
That’s what the lecturer asked me when I was down in the borders beginning my
masters. I had no idea it was to “sort my shit out” but I tell you what…It’s
what keeps me going when my motivation has hopped on the next bus to Timbuktu!
Seriously, when you get clear on your intention, your motivation follows. Your
intention is the step before the action, and motivation follows intention. You
see, if I planned to make myself a cup of tea, my motivation would kick in and
get that tea made. So if you want to get on with life and bee happy, no matter
what your experiences have been, then this first thing I would advise you to do
is to get clear on your intention. Then when motivation decides to have a wee
holiday, all you have to do is revisit your intention and it’ll be on the next
bus back to you, with full gusto for the task in hand.
3)
Connect
Believe
it or not, everyone around you is not sailing through life, they are generally
not enlightened and they have just as much insecurities as you. They may look
as though they are sailing and they are enlightened but unless they are The
Dalai Lama and a few others, they are not. I believe pretty much all of us are
winging it. Yes we have knowledge, yes we can get good at things, yes some
people are talented but on some level, we are all winging it to some degree. Knowing
this helps me to connect with people I might see as superior to me. It helps me
to remember, those people are human too, just like me. You see we are all
vulnerable, we are human, we all share emotion and we all get scared sometimes.
Having the courage to be vulnerable is where the magic happens because people
can identify with vulnerability and that’s what helps us to connect. I can bet
most of us have a small number of close friends and with those friends we are
able connect on a level that we can share our vulnerability. Connecting doesn’t
happen through boasting about how amazing we are, or telling everyone about all
of our achievements. It comes from letting people in to see your struggle, to
hear about your challenges, by being real and by being honest. That’s what
humanity is. So having the courage to be vulnerable helps us to connect with
others and our vulnerabilities are not something to be ashamed of, they are
something to acknowledge. They are here to empower us.
So
there we have it. A few tips to sort your shit out. Remember you are perfect
just as you are, you don’t have to change. The tips are there to show you that
mastering life doesn’t have to be difficult and you don’t have to pretend to be
someone you’re not. I hope you have fun sorting your shit out!!! I intend to.
